August 11, 2015


Tickets have been purchased, final visa arrangements made, resignations put in and leases ending. Now for the final push of getting rid of 4 years of memories and deciding what to keep and let go. The time has finally come, I am leaving Asia. 

Now it all feels so final, these tasks checked off and the words actually said. I have felt at home in this country for a long time now and have even stopped writing on this blog for lack of finding new things to say and fear of becoming that blogger that writes about how they went to movies and ate good sushi on the weekend.  Though the adventures haven't stopped, they are so much a part of me now I cannot seem to put into words all the people and places I have met lately. I also felt like I was just bragging about how my life is amazing.... all these exotic lands, foods and people, it is a bit overwhelming even to me and I have learned a great deal about humbleness being an expat here. But here I am again, trying to let out my feelings on this big change as I don't know another way to organize these thoughts and anxieties I am having. I don't think any of us know where we will end up but right now I am so excited to go home! It has been a long time and I am practically like the rest of the world now and have this picture perfect idea of what America is going to be like! Big skies and mountains, lots of healthy food options, normal sized clothes and shoes and affordable health care! I'm trying not to play it up too big as to not be disappointed when it of course does not meet my expectations but it sounds heavenly. 

I have spent the last good portion of my life traveling to places I never knew existed and meeting extraordinary individuals on the way. Teaching students English and becoming a role model all while trying to balance my finances back home, beginning and maintaining a marriage, while trying to become a better person and simultaneously remember where I came from. This year alone I have traveled to Laos, Japan and Bali and Malaysia with an epic trip planned to India (and a bit more Thailand) before heading back to the States for my first 'western' Christmas in 5 years. (Do people use the term 'western' when talking about Europe and North America back home? I have no idea anymore.) I have just gotten used to this life of wonder and am more nervous about going back to my 'real life' than I thought possible. It will be an adjustment, just please don't make fun of me when I get back, I have weird, slow English now I know, just let me be. 

I have so many plans for the future yet I have no fucking clue what I am doing. Sometimes I think I just want to find an easy job with not a lot of responsibility and chill for a bit, get a dog and 5 cats, grow a garden and live the simple life. Other days I am planning to move to Munich and get a (practically free) masters degree. Most days though, I am sure I am ready to move on from this place. Four years is a long time (5 years living in Asia!) and I have grown and changed in immeasurable ways. I know that I am not a big city girl and I need more space the 30 square meters to live and a mode a transportation that is not stuffed with literally thousands of other people at once. I know that I love working with kids and I am kinda good at it. I know that I love curry and coconuts. I do not know what I am doing with my life and am even further from figuring it out than I was before. Finally, at least for now, I am okay with that. I am not letting it stress me out. I am living in the the moment, enjoying it all while I still can and I KNOW it will all work out. It always does. The biggest lesson I have learned in my short time here on this Earth is that life goes on, all you can do is deal with it as it comes and everything depends on your outlook no matter the circumstance. 

The one true thing I have found about myself as I age , the one constant in my life since I was 18 has been yoga and my breath. This past year I have explored and learned even more about this ancient way of life and I am so excited to go to India for my 29th birthday to dedicate more than a month studying to become a yoga teacher, learning more about this passion in it's birthplace with free spirits and true yogis, living, breathing, practicing all day. So before I end this love affair turned long term relationship I have with Asia, I will be heading to the subcontinent to..... well I don't really know how to finish that sentence. Going in with an open heart and mind, ready for whatever life has next for me. All I know is that it is about that time to fly away again. Yet this time it is with intention, love and a content feeling like never before. 

Bangkok Bucket List
1. Floating Market
2. One more island escape
3. Khao San night out
4. Camping trip in national park
5. Buy as many Thai pants as possible
6. Sit at my pool every weekend
7. Eat as much curry, SomTom, mangos, and coconuts as possible. 
8. Laugh as much as possible. 
9. Get lots of student cuddles 
10. One last trip to immigration!!

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